Everything is Always OK

My beautiful goldendoodle, Roxy, had a seizure the other night. She’s ten and has had them for the past five years. At 3:30am I felt the bed shake and I saw her - straight up, catatonic, about to fall off the edge.

My husband grabbed her and rushed to the shower. She often loses control of herself and pees all over, and well – it’s a long, long night afterwards. After it ends (which feels like eternity!) she is in this postictal phase (a medical term I never thought I’d have to learn) in which she can’t calm down. Its as if she’s been electrified and she runs all over, banging into things while whining and barking at us.

It is nothing less than awful.

I always feel helpless and unsure what to do. And my brain is full of questions. . . What caused it this time? Was it because I forgot her medication? Allergies from being outside? Did I feed her too many treats not on her specific epilepsy diet?

What more can I do?!?!

My heart races and I panic, anticipating another seizure coming. They often come in clusters, and then she ends up at the hospital.

All a big mess.

I feel my anxiety soar, but this time I become aware that my anxiety serves no one in these situations; certainly not Roxy! For some reason, this time as I pet her, praying she would calm down, something shifted inside of me. I asked myself another question; one I hadn't thought of before. . .

"What if I wasn’t anxious but instead allowed myself to be calm?

I decided to try my deep breathing practice in which I breathe in for a count of 10, hold for 10, exhale for 10. When we breathe deeply and slowly, our body automatically responds.

As I calmed myself, I held tightly onto Roxy. I felt her tense body start to relax. There is no other way to say it, but a shift was in the air. And soon, Roxy was asleep!!!

Anxiety takes us to a future moment; one that usually never happens. It’s the fear of a future event that we believe will happen- but does it? Often, when I look back at situations that made me anxious, I have noticed EVERYTHING TURNS OUT OK.

Even when things get really rough, I've managed. I always seem to be given the tools I need to get through. The great challenge is remembering this fact when the chaos and fear are swirling around me. On this night, as I paused and dove into the present moment, a wave of trust enveloped me and I just knew.

I AM OK. ROXY IS OK.

While I type this, she is sleeping at my feet. My beloved friend and companion. All is well.

EVERYTHING IS OK.