REMEMBER THE LOVE

I woke up crying this morning. Gotta be honest. Last night, thunderstorms brought in the rain, easing the humidity, and as I got out of my car bright and early to get a coffee, I felt the chill wind whip through me. I know its only August 1^st, but somehow it smelled like fall, and I was overwhelmed with the feeling of seasons changing, life shifting, transitioning, and just AUGUST– AUGUST!! It all sort of crept up on me, unaware.

My Mom died 13 years ago on August 14^th. Her 73^rd birthday would have been that August 18^th. I’m kinda glad she made it so that all my grief is shoved into one teeny, compact week. Yep, I get to remember both her birthday and deathday all at once. Lol - Thanks, Mom.

But in all seriousness, I’m ok. I had 43 amazing years with her, she was blessed to know all of her grandchildren, and we had a relationship that many only dream about… Yet, somehow, it just wasn’t enough.

I didn’t want to write about my Mom today.

I mean, I’m better! I fought long and hard to beat back the grim reaper of grief. But no matter how I scheme against that monster, I find myself back on the merry go round of sadness as the end of summer sneaks in, and I replay once more my memories of August, 2012.

Maybe there is a reason for that… for how our grief envelopes and pushes and pains and buries us, and just plain old sticks around.

They say that the amount of grief we feel is equal to the love we shared while our loved one was alive. Is that a kicker, or what? Then why do it?

And then, as I wiped away my tears, it hit me.

We are wired for it, and we simply cannot do anything else! I felt my mother’s presence, as the message came through.

“LOVE”, she reminded me, “JUST LOVE!”

Love fully, completely, ferociously, endlessly. Love radically, brashly, angrily… tenderly, softly, sweetly. Just do it. Express your love. Show people that you love them. Hug more often. Smile, embrace, share your love wherever you go.

In the throes of grief, love is a great challenge. Or so it seems… It took me many years and deep dives in order to realize that my grief was simply the pain I felt due t the love that I was blocking... it wasn’t about losing my mother’s love, but rather, I had shut down the love that was already inside of me! 

We are love.

We are made out of love.

And that love cannot ever be lost.

To those of you who are missing someone, know they are still with you, that their love is still here, only in a different form. Because this force, this energy… this is what gives our lives meaning, and gives us the strength to handle whatever may come to pass. Woven into all of the traumatic news sagas, as well as our own personal sagas, is the thread of love that binds us to one another. It is imperative in these times that we all remember that love and who we truly are.

Mom and me, circa 1972.

Thank you, Mom, for gifting me with the most magnificent, magical, ineffable love. I will carry that love, along with you, in my heart, for all of my days.